


Beach Bums

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-18
Updated: 2005-03-18
Packaged: 2019-05-30 22:44:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15106346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Josh, Donna, Toby, Sam and CJ spend a day at the beach.





	Beach Bums

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**Beach Bums**

**by: Steph**

**Character(s):** Josh, Donna, Toby, Sam, CJ  
**Category(s):** General/Humor  
**Rating:** YTEEN  
**Disclaimer:** "The West Wing" and its characters do not belong to me. They belong to Aaron Sorkin, NBC, et al. This is just for fun out of a love for the show. No profit is made and no infringement is intended.   
**Summary:** Josh, Donna, Toby, Sam and CJ spend a day at the beach.   


"I'm not going to the beach, Sam. Why would I go to the beach?" Toby asked his Deputy in a tone that was decidedly grumpier than usual. 

"Because it'll be fun, Toby. You are acquainted with the word 'fun', aren't you?" 

"I seem to remember engaging in activities that could be termed as such in kindergarten." 

"Well, my friend, take a nap and stop eating glue, because it's time to get reacquainted with the word." 

"I hate the beach, Sam." 

"How can anyone hate the beach? It's beautiful. There's all that sand and-..." 

"It looks like a big litter box." 

"The difference being that people don't urinate and defecate on beaches." 

Toby scoffed at that, "You've obviously never visited a New York beach." 

Sam wrinkled his nose in disgust and then changed the subject. "Don't forget to apply sunblock generously." 

"Excuse me?" 

"You have fair skin. You don't want to burn." 

"Who are you, my mother?" 

"Fine, don't listen. Turn into a sundried tomato for all I care." 

"I need not worry about that happening, because I'm not going." 

"You're going." 

"I'm really not." 

"You haven't spent more than three minutes at a time outside since 1974, Toby. You're going." 

"And you know why that is, Sam? It's because I hate the outdoors. And I especially hate the beach. I hate the sand with its seaweed, beer cans and cigarettes strewn across it. I hate the fat men who insist on squeezing themselves into Speedos. I hate the children who hit me in the head with their stupid kites and then cry when I break it over my knee. I hate the women who sit there in those big, dumb straw hats and read Danielle Steele novels." 

"You break children's kites?" 

"It was a one time thing and the kid was too old to be flying a Barney kite anyway." 

"You're a man who breaks children's kites and makes them cry. Have you no heart?" 

"I didn't lose any sleep over it, if that's what you're asking." 

"When was the last time you went to the beach?" 

"Six years ago. Andi dragged me there and then got upset when I yelled 'shark!', causing everyone to vacate the beach in a most hysterical manner." 

"You're a terrible person, Toby." 

Toby smirked, "I hate the beach." 

"You're going and you will have fun." 

"When did you turn into Mr. Assertive?" 

"Something new I'm trying. What do you think?" 

"I think you pull off bumbling and naive much more effectively," Toby grumbled, before walking away from him. 

Sam shrugged and yelled after him, "Don't forget your sunblock!" 

* * * * 

Josh strutted down the halls of the West Wing, as Donna followed behind him with pad in hand. 

"Donna, did you write down potato chips? I need potato chips." 

"For the thousandth time, yes, I put potato chips on the list." 

"Good, because I need potato chips while at the beach." 

"I somehow think you'd survive without potato chips, Josh." 

"Don't even joke about that. What's a day at the beach without potato chips?" 

"To a normal person, a day at the beach would be enough in its self." 

"Get the ones with ridges. I like ridges," Josh said, as he ignored her comment. 

"Am I to assume we're still talking about potato chips?" 

"And get one of those big, long salami logs, too. I like those." 

"I am not getting you a salami log, Josh." 

"Why not?" 

"Because I really don't think you need a big, macho hunk of meat to lug around the beach." 

"Macho hunk of meat?" 

"Yes, I do believe you are compensating for something." 

"Excuse me?" he asked, his face twisting in confusion. 

"Never mind." 

"Compensating for what? Are you implying that-..." 

"What kind of beverages do you want?" 

"I simply like salami, Donna." 

"Okay. Fine. Let's move on." 

"Do I get my salami log?" 

"Yes, my Lord, you do." 

"My Lord...I like that, keeping doing that." 

Donna rolled her eyes, "Anything else?" 

"I'm going to need at least one Pudding Snack Pack." 

Donna chuckled, "Okay, should I put that in your lunchbox with your peanut butter and jelly sandwich, carrot sticks and thermos or in the picnic basket with the grown-up food?" 

"Are you mocking the Snack Pack, Donna? Never mock the Snack Pack." 

"I'm simply pointing out that you eat the same thing as kids who still believe in the tooth fairy do." 

"The Pudding Snack Pack is an ageless treat." 

"Whatever. Anything else?" 

"Yoohoo. I need Yoohoo." 

"Seriously, Josh, how old are you?" 

"Have you ever tried its chocolatey deliciousness?" 

"No, but then again I'm not nine." 

"Well, it's great. Certainly better than those flavored waters you're always drinking." 

"Don't start with me about the flavored waters, Josh." 

"I mean, who drinks flavored water? Why would you pay for water to be flavored? If you want some flavor, turn on your faucet and drink some of that city water. Now that's flavor." 

"It just so happens that I prefer my water not taste like it just finished doing a load of laundry." 

"See, now that's where we differ," Josh replied, as he grinned at her and entered the Oval Office. 

* * * * 

"Josh, could you possibly help me with all of this?" Donna asked in an irritated tone, as she struggled to remove an umbrella, two chairs, a picnic basket, a cooler and two towels from the trunk of the car. 

Josh took a deep breath and then turned around to face her, "I really am an outdoorsman now, Donna. A couple of years ago, I wouldn't have noticed that faint smell of salt in the air or that gentle lapping of waves in the distance. But now it's all so clear to me." 

Donna rolled her eyes at him and mumbled, "The only thing that's clear to me is that you're just as useless here as you are at work." 

"Did you say something?" 

"Yeah, little help here?" 

He looked over at her and smiled, "Why didn't you say anything?" 

"I just did...TWICE!" 

Josh shrugged and proceeded to help her unload the trunk. 

Sam's car pulled in next to theirs at the Chesapeake Beach parking lot a few minutes later and CJ, Toby and Sam jumped out. 

"What happened to you guys? You were right behind us until after the Beltway," Josh said. 

Toby rubbed at his forehead and was about to speak, when Sam cut him off, "We took the scenic route." 

Toby groaned, "No, Sam decided to use a crappy compass that he must have gotten out of a Cracker Jack box, instead of a map or, you know, all of those big signs with letters on them. Therefore, we ended up going northeast, not southeast, for nearly six miles before Magellan here figured it out." 

"I used that compass in Boy Scouts, Toby. I found my way out of the forest with it." 

"Why were you in the forest?" 

"I got lost." 

Toby sighed, "Okay, can we all just agree right now that there are dogs with no sense of smell who have a better sense of direction than you do?" 

CJ groaned, "Enough already! If I have to listen to anymore of your whining, Toby, I'm going fling myself into the ocean." 

"You're like 9 feet tall, CJ, I'm thinking you'll survive," Toby replied. 

"Okay, then maybe I'll just drown you," she countered threateningly. 

Toby quieted after that and began to remove their items from the trunk. 

When everything was unloaded from both cars, they headed towards the beach. 

Sam was leading the group and it seemed like they'd been walking for hours before Toby finally spoke up. "Pick a spot, Sam, any damn spot will do." 

Sam stopped, licked his index finger and held it up to the air. 

Toby rolled his eyes. "What the hell are you doing?" 

"Checking the direction of the wind." 

"What for?" 

"We don't want to be downwind." 

"We don't?" 

"No." 

"Why not?" 

"I don't know, it just seems like a bad place to be." 

Toby muttered something beneath his breath and then allowed the things he was carrying to fall from his grip. "This is it, folks. I'm not moving." 

They shrugged and began to set up. 

It was long, however, before CJ shrieked in disgust and pointed at something sticking out of the sand. The others gathered around her to see what the fuss was about. 

"It's men's underwear," she said. 

Josh smiled, "Not mine. I'm a boxer man." 

"Well, Joshua, I think that's more than any of us wanted to know," CJ replied. 

"Who would wear underwear to a beach?" Sam asked. 

"Apparently, someone who wouldn't miss it much," CJ responded. 

They all shrugged and turned back to setting up. It wasn't long before the quiet shuffle of activity was again interrupted. 

"Hey, Donna, could you not try to poke my out eye with the umbrella?" Josh complained. 

"Hey, Josh, could you try to make yourself useful and help me?" Donna responded. 

"I am making myself useful. I'm unpacking the picnic basket." 

"Yes, if unpacking means removing a bag of potato chips, opening it and then stuffing your face." 

"Clearly, our definition of the word differs." 

Donna groaned and purposely whacked him in the head with the umbrella. 

"Ow!" he yelped and rubbed at his forehead. 

Donna smiled sweetly and said, "Oh, sorry, it was an accident." 

Josh rolled his eyes and muttered, "Real mature." 

The setting up and unpacking was soon completed and everyone prepared to engage in other more entertaining activities. 

Sam turned to Toby, a large tube of sunblock in his hands. "You want me to do your back?" 

Toby eyes widened at him. "Excuse me?" 

"Sunblock. Do you want me to apply it to your back?" 

"Are you really asking me this question?" 

"It would appear that way," Sam replied, his brow furrowing in confusion. 

"Do I want you to slather sunblock all over my back?" 

"Yes." 

"I'm sorry, Sam, when did I become at all comfortable with you touching me?" 

"Um..." 

"Yeah." 

Sam sighed and handed the tube to CJ, "Here, you do it. Apparently, I'm not worthy of touching King Stick-Up-His-Ass, ruler of UptightLand." 

CJ smiled, took the tube from Sam and told Toby to remove his T-shirt. He did so begrudgingly. 

There was a silent moment of shock as the others caught sight of his bare back. When that wore off a moment later, they dissolved into fits of laughter. 

Toby shook his head, rubbing at his beard in irritation. "Oh, grow up, will ya. What, you've never seen a man with some hair on his back? 

Josh barely stifled a laugh as he replied, "Some hair, yes. A bear skin rug, no." 

At that statement, they all burst out laughing again. 

CJ finally recovered long enough to comment, "So this is where bad toupees go after they die." 

Toby groaned and shook his head sharply, "That's it. I'm going home." 

He motioned to put his T-shirt back on, when they all began to apologize. 

"We're sorry, Toby. We were only kidding. We won't say one more word about," CJ said. 

Toby sighed and nodded. He had turned his back to allow CJ to apply the sunblock, when he heard Sam whisper, "She's gonna need a machete in order for that to do a bit of good." 

Toby whipped around quickly, glared at Sam and then ripped the tube away from CJ. He then said tersely, "I don't think I'll be needing this after all." 

With that, he turned on his heel and stalked off down the beach. 

They were all silent for a few moments before Donna said, "Don't you guys think you were a little hard on him?" 

They pondered that for a moment, before shaking their heads and replying with a resounding, "No." 

Donna shook her head at them disapprovingly. 

* * * * 

Josh and Donna peeled off their clothes and headed towards the water in their bathing suits. They waded in slowly, until they were yards from shore and the water was up to their shoulders. 

They were quiet until Josh shrieked, "Get it off me! Get it off!" 

Donna turned to him with wide eyes, "What?" 

"I don't know. Something touched my left big toe. Could've been a jellyfish, could've been a shark, hard to say." 

"A shark?" 

"They've been coming closer and closer to shore this year, Donna. And I'm a nice, handsome, fresh piece of meat." 

"I can't believe you're actually boasting about being perfectly suited to be a shark's lunch. I mean, that's taking arrogance to a whole new level." 

Josh was just about to respond, when he screamed once more, "There it is again! I feel it on my toe! Get it off!" 

He looked at Donna pleadingly. She shook her head, "You're not actually suggesting-..." 

"Look under the water and see what it is, Donna. If it's jellyfish, please remove it. If it's a shark, pray to God," he instructed through clenched teeth. 

Donna chuckled, "I am not doing that, Josh." 

"You're my assistant." 

"I guess I missed the part in my job description that said 'alleviate wussy boss's fears while at beach'." 

"Did you just call me a wuss?" 

"Wussy. Adjective." 

"I'm not a wuss, Donna." 

"Okay." 

"I'm not...OH GOD, GET IT OFF!" he yelled, as he interrupted himself. 

Donna sighed in defeat and slowly lowered herself underwater. She returned a few moments later with a grin. 

"What was it? It was a shark, right? You saw a shark nipping at my toes down there, didn't you?" 

Donna laughed and held up a sopping piece of seaweed. "Here's your shark, Josh." 

"What is that?" 

"Seaweed." 

"It looks like spinach." 

"You don't know the difference between seaweed and spinach?" 

"I'm just saying I could have chicken served on a bed of seaweed and be none the wiser." 

"You're pathetic. The fact that you are allowed to run around unsupervised, never mind help run a country, is simply frightening." 

"So I don't know the difference between seaweed and spinach. What's the big deal?" 

"Haven't you ever seen 'Popeye'? He ate spinach." 

"No, while you were watching cartoons, I was busy becoming a considerably powerful and exceedingly intelligent man." 

"And, might I add, a wuss." Donna paused, ignoring Josh's glare in response, and then added, "You screamed like a girl, by the way." 

"I did no such thing." 

"You screamed like a little five year old girl who lost her balloon." 

"I voiced my concern in my normal, masculine voice." 

"You screamed like a little girl." 

"You know, that's a very sexist comment. I expect more from you." 

"It's not sexist. The only way it could be sexist is if it weren't so true." 

Josh shrugged, finding no hole in her argument, except his protest of not screaming like a girl, which had already failed. 

* * * * 

Sam looked over from his spot next to Toby and watched the man reading peacefully. He opened his mouth to speak and then thought better of it. 

Lately, anything he said to Toby was answered with a curt response. And by 'lately' he meant since the day they'd met. 

A moment later, Sam decided to throw caution to the wind and propose his idea to Toby anyway. 

"Um, Toby, do you want to have a sandcastle building contest?" 

Toby slowly turned his head and stared at Sam. "I'm sorry?" 

"A sandcastle building contest. You build a castle, I build a castle. CJ can help us by retrieving water and then judge, since she's not doing anything anyway." 

CJ overheard Sam and decided to join in the conversation. "CJ is most certainly doing something, Sam." 

Sam looked over at her, "You're reading a magazine." 

"And you think I'm going to wait to find out who my perfect mate is just so I can help you two schmucks build sandcastles?" 

Toby chuckled and muttered, "Yeah, wouldn't want to take that kind of risk, now would ya?" 

CJ sighed, "Fine, I'll help you." 

Sam smiled and turned back to Toby, "So, how about it?" 

"Will I engage in a childish attempt at architecture with you?" 

"Yes." 

"No." 

"Why not?" Sam whined. 

"Because I'm not six." 

"Building sandcastles is for all ages, Toby. They have a huge contest in Atlantic City every year. Of course for that, people can make anything out of sand. One time, I saw this guy make the Statue of Liberty. It took him six hours just to make the torch and then-..." 

"Sam," Toby interrupted softly. 

"Yeah?" 

"Shut up." 

"Okay." Sam quieted for a few moments and then asked, "So wanna do it or not?" 

Toby groaned and threw his book down on the sand, "You're not going to shut up until I say I'll do it, are you? You're going to go on and on and describe every godawful sand sculpture you've ever seen until I give in, aren't you? I mean, this could go on for days." 

"Honestly, I'm not sure I have the stamina for that," Sam replied. 

Toby sighed loudly, "Fine, I will compete against you in a sandcastle building contest." 

Sam's eyes brightened and he practically leapt to his feet. "Great! Okay, now there are a couple of rules. You can build any structure you want, but we strongly encourage you to build a castle." 

"Who is this 'we', Sam? Are those the voices in your head speaking again?" Toby asked. 

Sam ignored him and continued, "You are not allowed to use any professional sand sculpting tools." 

"Thank God, because I forgot mine in my other swimsuit." 

Sam once again ignored Toby and clapped his hands together. "Okay, that's about it. Let's get started!" 

Toby looked around them and then up at Sam, "Um, Sam, what are we supposed to use to build these things?" 

Sam smiled and picked up a bag at his feet, "That's what these are for." 

Toby's brow raised, as Sam removed some small, plastic children's sand tools. There were little shovels, hoes and variously shaped buckets. 

"What the hell did you do? Steal from a kid or did he gladly hand them over in exchange for you shutting up about sandcastles?" 

Sam grinned and shook his head. "Of course not. These are mine." 

Toby's eyes widened. "Yours?" 

"Yup." 

Toby laughed and said, "Now that's just disturbing." 

Sam's brow furrowed in confusion. He decided to let it go and began to distribute the tools. 

He handed CJ two big buckets. "Okay, CJ, you're in charge of retrieving us water promptly and filled to the top." 

"Yes, master. If I am not prompt or I spill a bit, will I receive forty lashings?" 

Sam shook his head at her, "CJ, sandcastle building is serious stuff. If you don't think you can handle that, I kindly ask that you step aside." 

CJ had to bite her lip to keep from laughing, "Oh no, I'm serious. I actually minored in sandcastle building in college. I once carried four buckets of water in my hands and balanced two on my head during a pop quiz." 

"CJ," Sam said warningly. 

CJ forced herself not to smile, "Okay, I'm totally serious." 

"Thank you. Now go get us some water please." 

Sam turned back to Toby and shook his head at him, "Can you believe her attitude?" 

"Yeah," Toby nodded in agreement, "Going by her, one might actually get the impression that we are engaging in some juvenile, simple-minded activity of shaping sand." 

Sam's eyes narrowed, as he tried to figure out if Toby was actually agreeing with him or simply ridiculing him. 

* * * * 

"Watch, Donna." Josh said, as they reached the shore. "David Hasselhoff in the opening of 'Baywatch.'" 

Donna watched as Josh ran in place in slow motion. He moved his arms and legs as if he had terrible arthritis. 

Donna couldn't help but laugh. She shook her head at him, "I don't approve of you mocking David Hasselhoff, Josh. You know how I feel about him." 

"Don't get me wrong, I love the man. He got to run around with beautiful women who had big breasts everyday and called it work. He's my hero." 

Donna chuckled, "You are such a pig." 

"Come to think of it, maybe I should lobby to get the dress code changed in the West Wing. I think it could only improve your job performance if you walked around in one of those cute little red bathing suits all day." 

"I'm sorry, I think I just offended pigs," Donna replied. 

Josh shrugged and picked up a Frisbee that he found on the sand. "Wanna play?" 

"Josh, that's not ours. I'm sure some kid is looking for it." 

"Well, when and if he comes around I'll give him a little lecture on taking better care of his things." 

Donna reluctantly shrugged, "Okay, let's play." 

Donna walked a few yards away from Josh and then he threw the Frisbee. Donna missed it and it landed at her feet. 

Josh sighed, "The object of the game is to catch the Frisbee, Donna. If the object were to stare at it blankly as it falls at your feet, you'd be really, really good." 

Donna simply glared at him and then flung it. 

The game continued on, Donna eventually getting into a groove. Josh was just about to throw the Frisbee again, when he felt a tugging on his bathing suit. He looked down into the eyes of a little six year old girl. 

"Can I help you?" 

"That's my Frisbee." 

"Actually, I found it lying over there on the sand." 

"That's because I dropped it when we were looking for a spot on the beach." 

"Well, maybe next time you'll be more careful with your things." 

By now, Donna had joined them. She whispered to him, "Just give her the Frisbee, Josh." 

Josh whispered back, "No, it's about the principle of the matter." 

"What principle? You're withholding a child's Frisbee." 

"I'm teaching her a lesson." 

"You're making her cry." 

"She has to learn someday." 

"What are you gonna do next, Josh? Tell her there's no Easter Bunny?!" Donna said more loudly than she intended. 

The little girl looked up at Donna with a quivering lip and said, "There's no Easter Bunny?" 

Donna smiled weakly, "Oh no, I was talking about something else. There is most certainly an Easter Bunny." 

Josh nodded, "Yeah, and if you're good maybe he'll bring you another Frisbee. Now take a hike." 

"Josh!" Donna scolded and slapped him upside the head. 

Josh rubbed at his head, but reacted quickly when the girl attempted to pull the Frisbee from his grip. 

"Nice try." 

"Give it to me!" the girl ordered with a stomp of her foot. 

"No!" 

"Give it to me NOW!" 

"Losers weepers, finders keepers!" Josh countered. 

Donna simply shook her head at him. The little girl glared at him before stomping off down the beach. 

Josh smiled in satisfaction. He then backed up a few feet and flung the Frisbee at Donna. It hit her stomach and fell to the ground. 

"Um, Donna, do we need to review the objective of the game again?" 

"I can't believe you, Josh." 

He smiled cockily, "I know, did you see how easily I handled that kid?" 

"She's six!" 

"So?" 

"Well, at least you didn't resort to any childish and immature arguments to make your point," Donna said sarcastically. 

"No, to my credit, I did not," Josh replied, totally missing her point. 

"Losers weepers, finders keepers?!" 

"That's a classic, Donna. It's ageless. Much like the Pudding Snack Pack." 

"You are a sad, sad man," 

"Whose got the Frisbee?" he asked with a grin. He paused and then said, "Come on, let's play." 

Donna shrugged in defeat, picked up the Frisbee and then threw it to Josh. 

However, he was distracted by a beautiful eighteen year old female jogging down the beach in a bikini that was so small it looked as if it belonged in Barbie's wardrobe. Josh was so focused on the beauty that he never saw the Frisbee coming and it him square in the forehead. He stumbled backwards and fell flat on his back. 

Donna's initial reaction was to laugh, but she soon recovered from that and rushed to his side to see if he was okay. 

Josh was blinking furiously and attempting to rub at his head. Donna was just about to ask him if he was okay, when the little girl from before appeared at their sides. 

She bent down to pick up her Frisbee and scowled at Josh. She then turned around and waved at the woman that had indirectly caused Josh's injury. "Thanks, sis!" 

She then looked back down at Josh and said, "That's what you get for stealing from children, you mean man!" 

She kicked Josh's side before walking away. 

Josh's eyes were now wide with shock and he was trying to rub at both his side and forehead. 

Donna shook her head at him, "I have to agree with the kid. You got what you deserved." 

Josh smiled as he sat up and then said weakly, "Did you see her sister? It was totally worth it." 

Donna simply shook her head in disgust and then shoved him back down to the ground. 

* * * * 

"CJ!" Sam yelled at the tall woman carrying two buckets of water. "This castle's not going to build itself! Hurry up with that water!" 

CJ reached Sam and offered him an ire filled glare. "Yell at me one more time, Samuel, and I swear I'm going to sculpt your coffin out of sand." 

Sam swallowed hard, his tone now soft, "I apologize. Thank you so much for the water." He peered into the buckets and then said softly, "I especially like how you've only filled them up a quarter of the way." 

He took the buckets from her and then dropped to his knees. He was just about to start working again, when he caught a glimpse of Toby's work. He hadn't paid much attention to what Toby was doing until now. 

He walked over to Toby and stood over him. 

He studied Toby's creation, his brow creasing as he did so. A few moments passed before he asked, "What is it?" 

Toby looked up at him, "It's a castle." 

Sam glanced down at the 'castle', which looked to be little more than an oversized anthill. 

"It's a mound of sand." 

"Well, I'm not finished," Toby replied. 

"You have to do better than this." 

"Actually, I don't. This is my castle and you're just going to have to live with it." 

"But this is any competition against mine." 

Toby stood up, brushing the sand off his knees. "Well, why don't you show me this masterpiece of yours?" 

Sam lead Toby to his work of art. Toby's eyes nearly fell out of his head at Sam's creation. It was a massive castle, complete with a moat. There were three towers and Sam had carefully decorated each with swags of seaweed. Shells were strategically placed to add an ornamental flare. 

"How the hell did you do this?" Toby asked incredulously. 

"It wasn't hard. It just took a little patience and some creativity." Sam paused and bent down, "Look, there's more." 

Sam pointed to one of the little openings which served as a window and told Toby to peer in. 

Toby did so and asked, "Is that a grand piano in there?" 

Sam smiled proudly, "It sure is. And the floor is actually a mosaic of the Nativity scene made out of shells." 

Toby looked at the floor in amazement, "Is that baby Jesus made out of a starfish?" 

"Yes, that one did prove difficult." 

Toby shook his head, "Well, I'm not a Christian, but it looks pretty damn good." 

Toby stood up and glanced over at his own creation. "I think you win." 

Sam didn't hear him, however, because he was too busy yelling at CJ. "Come on, CJ! That water's not going to carry itself!" 

CJ finally reached them and stood in front of Sam with her jaw tightened. She then put one bucket down and used her free hand to guide the other bucket so that its contents emptied on Sam's head. 

"That is for ordering me around, you castle-building-Hitler freak!" 

Sam stood dripping in front of her, his mouth hanging open in disbelief. 

CJ then picked up the other bucket and proceeded to pour it over one of the towers. Sam looked on in horror and even Toby seemed to be taken aback. 

CJ turned back to Sam, "And that is for being a castle building freak in the first place!" 

CJ and Toby watched as Sam dropped to his knees and looked sorrowfully at his destroyed tower. 

"Oh no, not Rapunzel!" Sam said in a tone that bordered on frantic, as he began to sift through the remains of the tower. 

"There was a Rapunzel?" Toby whispered to CJ. 

"Apparently." 

Sam finally retrieved a soaked and tattered 'Rapunzel', which consisted of a paper Dixie Cup as her dress, a stick as her body and a piece of flowing seaweed as her hair. And, as if that weren't already disturbing enough, Toby and CJ could tell that the 'hair' had been braided. 

Sam stood up, shaking his head and cradling 'Rapunzel' in the palm of his hand. 

CJ was attacked by a sudden pang of guilt as she watched Sam. "Oh, I'm sorry, Sam. I overreacted. I'm sorry I destroyed your tower and killed Rapunzel." 

Sam shrugged and said with a small smile, "That's okay. I used your magazine for the floor of that tower. It too is now ruined." 

CJ opened her mouth to yell at him, but then thought better of it and snapped it shut. 

* * * * 

Donna helped Josh get back to where they'd set up. Everyone looked at him in confusion, noticing the red spot on his forehead and how he was favoring his side. 

"What happened to you?" CJ asked. 

Donna spoke before Josh could, "He got beaten up by a little girl." 

"I did not. I was distracted by her beautiful sister and the Frisbee hit me in the head." 

"And then the little girl kicked him." 

"Well, I was on the ground. How could I have defended myself?" 

"Josh stole her Frisbee." 

"I found her Frisbee." 

"So the girl used her sister to get it back. A six year old outwitted Josh by using his biggest weakness: the fact that he's a heterosexual male with eyesight." 

Toby, Sam and CJ laughed, as Josh rewarded Donna with a glare. 

Josh spoke through gritted teeth, "I was not outwitted, Donna." 

"She played you like a fiddle." 

"Can we just go home now?" Josh asked in irritation. 

"I'm all for that," Sam said sadly. 

"Me too," CJ agreed flatly. 

They all began to pack up when Toby said, "Well, I for one, have a newfound enjoyment of the beach. I mean, Josh got his ass kicked by a little girl, Sam did CPR on a sad variation of Rapunzel and CJ was my water slave woman...I love the beach." 

They all groaned at him, as they continued to pack up their belongings. 

THE END 


End file.
